I started writing this in hopes of finding some way to reconnect with the original reason I chose environmental studies as my major. After committing to college in Maine as a dual major in ASL Interpreting and Theatre Arts, I made a pretty big decision to take a semester off and travel the world. While abroad for those six months, I committed to another 6. During those final six, I withdrew my commitment to U of Southern Maine, and applied to numerous other schools for Environmental Studies. Having discovered this passion, and real connection to the natural world while away from home, I made a commitment to myself that I would do anything I could to protect what we were all slowly losing — our relationship to the natural world, and the natural world itself. When I finally committed to Lesley (a school right near home, much to my family’s surprise), I had no idea what 2020 was about to throw at me — and I have to say, this sort of living — having no idea what the next day would hold, had become extremely common in my life, so I was not unfamiliar with unfamiliarity. I had no idea how 2020 could top my 2019, and although it was very different, somewhat depressing, and extremely difficult — here we are. 2021.
All of this is to say, I have been studying the environment for over a year now. My first year of “real college” was fully remote. My environmental science lab was spent Zooming to do labs, digging in little boxes of dirt my Professor sent us, examining the outdoors and creatures in my backyard — by myself. I lost a lot of my fire during COVID. Though the world slowed down, and gave the natural world (and humans) time to heal, with daily global emissions of CO2 falling by 17% at the peak of the shutdown — in a few short months, industries and companies with the power and a real chance to switch to clean energy during this period of transition, did not, and our world had now entered a period of mass production, in order to “catch up.”
My first year in school, studying the environment, was an interesting one to say the least. We were experiencing an unprecedented time in history. A global pandemic had completely shut down our country — our world. Unfortunately, COVID only paused climate emissions; it did not stop them. And now, they’re rising again. It was essential that strong climate action was integrated into future investments for large and small businesses and corporations alike, but unfortunately — many returned to their dirty “normal.”
Each week, my classes in Environmental Policy, Science, Human Effects on the Natural world, and more — involved heavy conversation around COVID and the world we were living in. Studying the climate during a time like this was pivotal. At times it felt empowering. Other times it felt dismal and extremely depressing. Not being able to meet in person was disheartening. We were always told climate change and “saving the environment” was a group effort — and this felt nearly impossible during a worldwide pandemic — one that pushed us further away from human connection than ever before.
I wrote a few months back about eco-anxiety, and today I’m hoping to put that into perspective. So many people tell me my major is so important today and “it shouldn’t be hard to find a job in that!” and I couldn’t agree more. I know it’s needed, and I regret nothing by choosing this path for myself. However, I do think that in today’s world, given the state of our climate, COVID, and a million other factors, it’s become one of the most disheartening things to study. I watch a lot of documentaries — some for school and a lot just out of interest — and I find myself feeling extremely empowered. Other times, I read articles and research certain topics for school (and out of interest) and I find myself horribly overwhelmed.
I went through phases of extreme guilt this year. For not doing my part, educating myself as much as I could’ve, or participating in small daily routines that would reduce my personal footprint. I had a hard time feeling hopeful in my courses that beforehand, I would’ve been overjoyed to be in. I try my best to balance what I read. Kellert’s “Birthright,” gives a positive outlook on the natural world and our connection to it as human beings. Reading things like this give me hope. Other days I find myself scrolling Instagram and reading blog posts from some of my favorite activists and environmentalists, and I can’t help but feel extremely discouraged. Headlines that pop up on my News app each day cause me stress, overwhelm me, and discourage me. Climate change feels never ending. It feels relentlessly, objectively grim, and as one person, it feels like anything I do myself, won’t do much.
The goal of this is not to say there isn’t still hope. I wouldn’t still be studying what I am if I didn’t think there is still endless possibility for change — we just have to get there. Every day and each news headline feels like a massive step in the wrong direction, but others feel like a hopeful leap forward.
Here we are. 2021. In November of this year, world leaders will be gathering in Glasgow for the successor to the landmark Paris meeting of 2015. Though we are way off track to meet its goals, Glasgow 2021 gives us a chance to get back on track — and really ratchet up those carbon cuts. Last year at the UN General Assembly, the Chinese President, Xi Jinping, announced that China aimed to go carbon neutral by 2060. A country responsible for over 28% of the world’s global emissions made a commitment to do just that, regardless of if other nations followed suit. Covid has also changed everything. It hit the world with the most intense economic shock since the Great Depression, and governments are stepping forward with stimulus packages designed to reboot their economies. Still today, countries have an unprecedented opportunity to “build back better,” and make cleaner and greener investments. It’s not too late.
Fortunately, there is still a lot to be hopeful about. Though my news feed overwhelms me on the daily, negative climate headlines feel never-ending, and each day feels like a step in the wrong direction for our natural world — we must keep moving forward & continue our efforts to really “build back better.”
At this time next year, I’ll have graduated and (fingers crossed) found a job in this field. Yes, it’s a solid field to go into given the state of our climate — and I feel extremely lucky to study what I do -— but it’s also a lot to think about sometimes, and that’s okay too.
One day at a time.
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